Syllabus/Thedy B and ??? Collabo -Homemade

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jack Knight on January 4, 2009 at 4:19pm

I think the verses have an aretha franklin motown feel. they fit the track. the hook part i would work with a little more if you wanted it for commercial release. i love the verses though

Permalink Reply by Thedy B on January 4, 2009 at 4:34pm

Thanks for the feedback. Yes. I'd want it for commercial release (:-) And by working with the hook more, do you mean melody and words? or just the words or the melody? Then I can figure out what to change.

I actually played with the hook more than the verses. The verses came easier. Problem when I was writing/re-writing the hook was the title not sticking out enough and the track is pretty fast so having enough room to include more lines to add more depth was a little difficult.

Maybe someone can re-write the hook? anybody?

Jack Knight said:

I think the verses have an aretha franklin motown feel. they fit the track. the hook part i would work with a little more if you wanted it for commercial release. i love the verses though

Permalink Reply by Pearl on January 4, 2009 at 4:39pm

Hey, great job! I agere with Jack, verses are splendid. I think the first two lines on the hook are weak. I dig the homemade part... keep doing it!

Permalink Reply by Myles Warden on January 4, 2009 at 6:53pm

Great concept! Great verses! Gonna try to see if i can add to it.

Permalink Reply by Thedy B on January 4, 2009 at 8:19pm

thanks for the feedback Pearl.

Pearl said:

Hey, great job! I agere with Jack, verses are splendid. I think the first two lines on the hook are weak. I dig the homemade part... keep doing it!

Permalink Reply by Thedy B on January 4, 2009 at 8:19pm

thanks Myles!

Myles Warden said:

Great concept! Great verses! Gonna try to see if i can add to it.

Permalink Reply by Thedy B on January 4, 2009 at 8:21pm

Jose, I think both versions still say the same thing just you used different words. Try saying something else than what I came up with for the hook. Well but you know what if you can update the language: like find another word for copycat and "all of that" -that might work. Oh and don't change the rhyme pattern.

Jose "Tha Songwriter" said:

Actually, the hook I thought was a good idea, structure wise cause that is a fast hook part.....
Overall great song Thedy, like the concept..... of course I HAD TO try and help make the hook better so I pasted below what I came up with..... HOPE IT HELPS, Let me know what you think!!!
Carries same type of melody, didnt record cause stayed with same structure, changed some things though...

Hook Idea for THedy B. "Homemade" IDEA
Re-Written By: Jose "Tha Songwriter"

(Hook)
That lovin' you had, it was homemade
There's no way that you can find it,
In any other place
Homemade, so fresh
Homemade, the best
Homemade, pure love
Homemade, (have a fest) or (gotta have it) <----which ever you guys think fits best!
There are so many of them copycats
But they can't compare to all of this

Permalink Reply by Thedy B on January 4, 2009 at 8:34pm

bet! Post it up and let us read it.

Richard Eugene said:

if you need a rap verse at the end i got one..

Permalink Reply by Thedy B on January 4, 2009 at 8:38pm

Oh noooooo, homemade is the title and will be kept. Like let's try and find better words than copycat and "all of that" -whatever new we come up with- those two lines need to rhyme though...

Jose "Tha Songwriter" said:

Saying something else, oh ok..... so "homemade" concept wont be in it at all?.... or with the homemade in it?....
-Jose
Thedy B said:

Jose, I think both versions still say the same thing just you used different words. Try saying something else than what I came up with for the hook.

Jose "Tha Songwriter" said:

Actually, the hook I thought was a good idea, structure wise cause that is a fast hook part.....

Overall great song Thedy, like the concept..... of course I HAD TO try and help make the hook better
so I pasted below what I came up with..... HOPE IT HELPS, Let me know what you think!!!

Carries same type of melody, didnt record cause stayed with same structure, changed some things though...

Hook Idea for THedy B. "Homemade" IDEA
Re-Written By: Jose "Tha Songwriter"

(Hook)
That lovin' you had, it was homemade
There's no way that you can find it,
In any other place
Homemade, so fresh
Homemade, the best
Homemade, pure love
Homemade, (have a fest) or (gotta have it) <----which ever you guys think fits best!
There are so many of them copycats
But they can't compare to all of this

Permalink Reply by Myles Warden on January 4, 2009 at 8:51pm

suggestions for the 2 lines...same melody

A. Cuz no matter how hard you try
you will never find another this fly

B. cuz u can not create another
the best recipe just ask ya mother(or:the best recipe you'll ever discover)



Thedy B said:

Oh noooooo, homemade is the title and will be kept. Like let's try and find better words than copycat and "all of that" -whatever new we come up with- those two lines need to rhyme though...

Jose "Tha Songwriter" said:

Saying something else, oh ok..... so "homemade" concept wont be in it at all?.... or with the homemade in it?....
-Jose
Thedy B said:

Jose, I think both versions still say the same thing just you used different words. Try saying something else than what I came up with for the hook.

Jose "Tha Songwriter" said:

Actually, the hook I thought was a good idea, structure wise cause that is a fast hook part.....

Overall great song Thedy, like the concept..... of course I HAD TO try and help make the hook better
so I pasted below what I came up with..... HOPE IT HELPS, Let me know what you think!!!

Carries same type of melody, didnt record cause stayed with same structure, changed some things though...

Hook Idea for THedy B. "Homemade" IDEA
Re-Written By: Jose "Tha Songwriter"

(Hook)
That lovin' you had, it was homemade
There's no way that you can find it,
In any other place
Homemade, so fresh
Homemade, the best
Homemade, pure love
Homemade, (have a fest) or (gotta have it) <----which ever you guys think fits best!
There are so many of them copycats
But they can't compare to all of this

Permalink Reply by Thedy B on January 4, 2009 at 9:21pm

yeah!!! I like that last suggestion! It's too wordy so if we trim the "fat" and just say:

A plate this good, you gotta have
ingredients girl wish they had

then it fits the pattern/meter.

Jose "Tha Songwriter" said:

Ok, got these suggestions for the 2 lines:

Written By:Jose "Tha Songwriter"

Sugg. 1- No one can pass up something like this
Its one of those things no one could resist

Sugg. 2- A plate this good, you gotta have
Ingridients other girls only wish they had

Thedy B said:

Oh noooooo, homemade is the title and will be kept. Like let's try and find better words than copycat and "all of that" -whatever new we come up with- those two lines need to rhyme though...

Jose "Tha Songwriter" said:

Saying something else, oh ok..... so "homemade" concept wont be in it at all?.... or with the homemade in it?....
-Jose
Thedy B said:

Jose, I think both versions still say the same thing just you used different words. Try saying something else than what I came up with for the hook.

Jose "Tha Songwriter" said:

Actually, the hook I thought was a good idea, structure wise cause that is a fast hook part.....

Overall great song Thedy, like the concept..... of course I HAD TO try and help make the hook better
so I pasted below what I came up with..... HOPE IT HELPS, Let me know what you think!!!

Carries same type of melody, didnt record cause stayed with same structure, changed some things though...

Hook Idea for THedy B. "Homemade" IDEA
Re-Written By: Jose "Tha Songwriter"

(Hook)
That lovin' you had, it was homemade
There's no way that you can find it,
In any other place
Homemade, so fresh
Homemade, the best
Homemade, pure love
Homemade, (have a fest) or (gotta have it) <----which ever you guys think fits best!
There are so many of them copycats
But they can't compare to all of this

Permalink Reply by Myles Warden on January 4, 2009 at 9:24pm

too many words per line in the beat if that makes sense to u. its looks good. itd be hot if u could make it flow smoother tho.

Richard Eugene said:

girl your sweeter then nestle.
your like a kiss from hershey
your like a taste of a honey.
or hazlenutt in my coffee.
either way baby what ever you flavor are.
i surely do savor you hard
yea your like my favorite chocolate candy bar..
your definitely a threat,
sweeter than ever. so i find you hard
not to eat.
see since from the first day you gave me a taste.
i cant help but wait until dessert time..
because your so fine and you melt in my mouth
every time..
and the way i get into it.
you could tell your made with the finest ingredients.
milk chocolate, , hazle nutt and caramel
yo know i'm feeling it.
i gotta sweet tooth for you boo. and that truth.
some come lick the rapper.. see i even saved you a piece of me too. for you
so lets split my chocolate dip.. and let be smooth


Thedy B said:

bet! Post it up and let us read it.
Richard Eugene said:

if you need a rap verse at the end i got one..

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